Hi friends! Happy Friday and Happy February!
Are you ready to discuss this week’s chapters of “Uninvited”?! This book is, honestly, intense. Lysa is very vulnerable and it led me to think of different situations in my life where I felt rejected. I really resonate with this description of rejection from her study guide for this book: “Feeling rejected comes from receiving one message from others when we’d hoped we’d receive another. We want people to love and accept who we are and what we have to offer but they send the opposite message.”
I’m so glad she doesn’t stop there, though. She is leading us to live loved and that’s a brave way to live! I’m looking forward to reading the rest of this book but for now, here are this week’s discussion questions:
Chapter 1: I’d Rather Ignore Honesty
*Can you relate with Lysa’s desire to run from honesty? How does honesty heal rather than hurt?
*Lysa recounted a story at the airport where she engaged in some negative self-talk and was caught by the airport attendant. Do you tend to engage in negative self-talk? How does this kind of self-talk pave the way for rejection and feelings of being uninvited?
*“Rejection isn’t just an emotion we feel. It’s a message that’s sent to the core of who we are, causing us to believe lies about ourselves, others, and God. We connect an event from today to something harsh someone once said. That’s person’s line becomes a label. The label becomes a lie. And the lie becomes a liability in how we think about ourselves and interact in every future relationship” (pg. 8). Thinking back on past rejections, what would you consider to be the overall message you received from those experiences?
Chapter 2: Three Questions We Must Consider
*Lysa writes that rejection is usually rooted in two core fears:
- fear of being abandoned
- fear of losing one’s identity
Think back on your life. Do past rejections affect you more than you might realize? Do you think they might be rooted in either of these two fears?
*“Feelings are fragile props” (pg. 16). Do you tend to be a slave to your feelings and assumptions? Read Zephaniah 3:17. What do you think it means to be quieted by God’s love?
*The three questions we must consider are:
- Is God good?
- Is God good to me?
- Do I trust God to be God?
How would you answer these three questions?
Chapter 3: There’s a Lady at the Gym Who Hates Me
*What sorts of things would you consider to be flirting with the world? How do you tend to feel after flirting with the world?
*“No soul can soar to the place of living loved when it’s a performance-based endeavor. Living loved is sourced in your quiet daily surrender to the One who made you” (pg. 34). What is the crucial distinction between living performance-based and living in surrender to God? Does this distinction change if you are doing things with God in mind or for God?
*If you were to begin your own “living loved” quest, what would that look like? What things might you stop doing? What actions might you begin to take?
Chapter 4: Alone in a Crowded Room
*Do you have high expectations that others will meet your needs? What are you tempted to grab at when you feel empty?
*Lysa shares that we must tell our minds to live loved but also tell our flesh no. The two work hand in hand because we must speak the truth of God’s love over ourselves and believe it so that we aren’t tempted to fill the void through fleshly endeavors. What truth do you need to hear today: that God loves you, that He empowers you, or that He accepts you?
*Think of a recent situation where you had the opportunity to walk in the fullness of God, living loved and looking to bless others, or to walk in looking to be blessed by others in your emptiness. What choice did you make? What happened as a result of your choice?
Scripture of the Week
Psalm 37:4
Ephesians 3:14-19
Zephaniah 3:17
Prayer of the Week
Father God, help us to walk in Your love and truth. Let it be our anchor when things try to sway us. May we be full of Your love so that we might live loved and look to be a blessing to others. Help us to daily surrender to You and not live as a slave to our feelings and assumptions. Remind us that You empower us with all that we need to live a godly life; we just need to take hold of it and walk in it. When we are weak please be our strength. We need You desperately and we invite You in. We love You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen
For Next Week
*Read Chapters 5-8
Have a great weekend, friends! ❤
I’ve never been good at lying. Even though the words coming out of my mouth may sound convincing at times, the truth is usually on my face.
Doing the right thing has always seemed to come easy to me. But for the past few years, God’s been showing me how I’ve been confusing “doing the right thing” for “being the right person.”
Our culture judges a person based on what they have – or haven’t – done. There needs to be accountability and consequences for actions/behaviors, but I’m not going to go into details about our justice system. 😉I want to focus on how society perceives people based on their deeds.
If someone has done something which society deems “wrong” or “bad”, there’s a stigma associated with that person. The opposite is also true: if someone has done something “right” or “good”, society gives approval or praise.
For the record, as a child I didn’t walk around with a halo above my head. But I was a “good” kid. What I’m realizing now though is how addicted I apparently became with receiving kudos and props.
I looked these terms up and found that “kudos” suggests approval and admiration, and “props” implies respect. Being a child of the 80s, I associate kudos with granola bars…that name is so appropriate! 😂
Approval, admiration, and respect. That’s what we want, right? God’s been showing me how I began to not only crave the attention I was getting by “doing the right thing”, but believe I was good because of it. And while I did a lot of the “good” or “right” things because I may have genuinely wanted to, I am realizing now that I also didn’t want to necessarily be rejected by those who thought I was – or called me – “good” or “great.”
We have to take quite a few steps back and ask by what standards are we measuring all this? There’s a range of good and bad within society’s standards. Someone is always “better” or “worse” depending on who you’re being compared to. Essentially, it’s an apples-to-apples comparison. But we’re comparing two different standards: our own version versus God’s…so there’s no comparison at all.
“Honesty wanted me to bring the core of who I believe I am and hold it up to the light of what’s really true.” (Page 3) Jesus is the Light; He is the Truth. When we have His spotlight on us, we fail greatly by comparison…and we need to understand and accept this.
It sounds, and can feel, like a hard blow when the truth about ourselves is revealed. But I’m learning this is the best place to be: at the end of myself. This is where God can work in me, is working in me. This is where I am quieted by His love. Because He doesn’t want us to stay in our stuck state. He wants to take the blinders off and show us His Light.
God is good. God is good to me. God is God. I can trust all of this. I may not understand it. But I can trust it to be true.
I need to remember where my identity lies. It’s not in my doing, my idea of being, or one’s perception of my doing or being. As the author calls out, “My identity must be anchored to the truth of who God is and who He is to me.” (Page 17)
God does not change, and if this is true, then it doesn’t matter how “good” or “bad”, “right” or “wrong” I am. He is good. All. The. Time. He is right. All. The. Time. Sin doesn’t affect God’s goodness (paraphrased from Page 20). Therefore, God’s goodness doesn’t change based on my “goodness” (or lack thereof). God’s love is not dependent upon what I do or don’t do. “God’s love isn’t based on me. It’s placed on me” (Page 40).
Mind. Blown.
And yet it is so hard for us to actually live without assessing God’s goodness based on our behavior or circumstances, which change constantly (paraphrased from Page 17). It’s a continual process of surrender. It’s a combination of obedience and submission. Practically, this looks like laying ourselves down in obedience – following what God has told us to do (an order, command, or instruction). But even this obedience doesn’t necessarily mean a person is willing to comply with what’s being asked. We need to take ourselves out of the equation and lay down ourselves in submission: yielding to God’s power and authority, again and again.
God is teaching me to rely on Him, in everything. He’s continuing to help me see myself correctly and realize I am loved, I am known, I am full, because Christ brought the fullness to me (paraphrased from Page 50).