At my church when you are baptized, they give you an opportunity to say a few words. In the days leading up to my baptismal, I worried what I was going to say. I rehearsed a few little speeches in my head and what came out of my mouth that morning was,

“I’ve been following other people my whole life and now I want to follow Jesus.”

The organist picked up on that and as a congregation we sang, “I Have Decided to Follow Jesus.” I was baptized and the service went on.

I think about that declaration a lot. Many times I wonder if it was really true. Did I really stop following others? Did I really decide to follow only Jesus? Because I can tell you that I’ve gone along with the crowd many a time. I was a teenager then, and a new Christian, and I think I wanted to be different. Or at least know why I was different and Christianity made me feel that it was the answer; I wasn’t ever meant to “be like everyone else” because as Christ followers we are meant to be different.

But I’ve had several times in my life that I find myself walking against this truth. Mostly it comes in moments such as:

“They’re Christians and they’re blessed. Why am I not blessed, too? I’m a Christian.”

“Why do weird things happen to me? Why can’t I just have a normal life?”

“Why do we have to go through these things/struggle with this issue/deal with this pain?”

I desired to be different and yet all I can see is how much I want to be the same. Why can’t I follow God where they’re going? Why does my following God feel so different?

I think of Abraham’s story and God’s calling. He was with his family and it was pointed out to me in a sermon, that God called Abraham farther out than the rest of his family. In other words, Abraham had to make the choice to follow God even after he thought he had gotten to the place he was supposed to be. Imagine your whole family moving to another state and you’re starting to unpack your belongings and God says, “No, wait. Don’t unpack those bags yet. I want you to follow me.”

“But where? We just got here.”

“Don’t worry about where,” God says. “I’m going to show you…later. Right now you just need to follow.”

I’m not one of those people who would have been like, “Sure! No plan? Awesome! It’s an adventure!” I would’ve wanted to know approximately how far I was going. What kind of clothes do I need to pack? At least give me a rough outline and then you can fill in the details later?!

When my husband and I go anywhere, he is usually the driver and I am the navigator. I mean, I hold the phone and Google Maps leads the way but I have it on the complete view. I don’t leave it to tell us one turn at a time. I read the directions over and over, always on the lookout for the next step. Obviously I don’t want to get lost and I don’t want to be responsible for backtracking and U-turns and having to wait for it to recalculate. And honestly? I like directions. I like rules. I like knowing what to do and doing it. I like a path to walk upon, none of this going off into the woods stuff.

God holds the map. We don’t ever have to worry He doesn’t know where we’re going. He usually reveals our steps one by one and all the while He is asking us to trust Him. “Are you really following me?” He asks after our complaining of how tired we are, and how much further, and are we there yet. “Yes,” we reply because we really want to follow. We really want what God wants for us but, like, how hard is it going to be? But, we have questions. But, we really want to hold the map. But, when we arrive is God going to ask us to do something we might not want to do? But, what if everyone else is going the other way? But what if they all want to camp for the night; shouldn’t we camp, too?

But…but…but…

Keep going, He whispers. Just keep going.

My son is at the age where he does not want to be in the stroller. He doesn’t really want to be held either. If we’re going somewhere, he wants to be walking there! He walks ahead and looks back to make sure I’m following. But sometimes we get to a step that’s too high for him to climb and he has to stop. He has realized he can hold out his hand and I will hold onto it. That help is enough for him to climb any step. And if his little legs can’t do it, well then, I’ll just pick him up and carry him and put him down when I know he can go again.

I want that with God, don’t you?

To keep moving forward because we know we are safe with Him there. We may not know the path. We may come to things that are too hard to climb on our own. But we can rest in His embrace, hold His hand, and know that He will put us down again when it is safe. We can’t know the entire journey. We can’t even begin to imagine all that God has laid out for us. All we can know is the One who leads us.

“I want to follow Jesus,” I said that in the baptismal all those years ago. I say it again and again in my heart. Yes God I want to follow You. And He says, “Follow me…Keep going…Hold my hand…Here we go…Don’t worry, I know where we’re going…Follow me….Follow me…Follow me.”