2 thoughts on “Book Club – “Free of Me” (Week One)”

1. 

   I find it funny that one of the first things I think of when I hear, “It’s not about you.” is another phrase: “It’s not you; it’s me.” 😆 Most of the time I think this is only said to make someone feel better, but I’m sure there’s a heartfelt confession stated now and then.
   Besides that correlation, I think of adults saying, “It’s not about you.” to kids, advising them to “get off their high horse” and reminding them to not be so selfish. Ah, the well-intended, but awkward attempt to get kids to realize they’re not the center of the universe. 🙃 And while most of us grow up learning we are not, in fact, the center of the universe, we often still want to be and do what we can to get as close to achieving this goal as possible.
   The “Nice Christian Girl” description that Sharon paints on Pages 22 and 23 made my jaw drop because I felt like she was actually telling my story. I never saw myself as a needy person – and by that I mean I didn’t think I ever craved attention – but God has been showing me my deep, raw struggles, one of them being my need to people-please.
   It’s crazy how self-centeredness requires caring for other people! I never saw it this way, but it makes complete sense because the focus is actually on the giver/doer and how they feel accomplished or happy as a result of the giving/doing. Yes, I think there can still be genuine care for others embedded within a people-pleaser, but so often it’s about being nice rather than being kind. As Sharon says, “For many Christians, our niceness isn’t about witnessing to Jesus but getting people to like us. That’s why kindness, not niceness, is a fruit of the Spirit.” (Page 24)
   I had to look up the definitions of ‘kindness’ and ‘niceness’ because I often use them synonymously. 🤪
   – Kindness: the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate
   – Niceness: the quality of being nice; pleasantness
   Regarding kindness, the terms ‘generous’ and ‘considerate’ stood out. Just because you’re nice or pleasant doesn’t mean you’re necessarily also being generous or considerate. A lot of “niceties” only occur on the surface level or with ulterior motives. I’m not saying be paranoid or always question someone’s niceness; however, it’s much harder to be disingenuously kind. 😉
   With the Golden Rule having been hammered constantly into our heads as children, you think it would stick better as adults! But like I said, as adults, we still desire to have us be the focus. And once we’ve had a taste of “freedom” from authority and can make our own rules, this “I’m #1” mentality is what is continuously sought after.
   I love how Sharon discusses “the kind of freedom we were built for”; how she says that as Christians, we are “no longer bound by the tyranny of self, but…are free to focus on Christ.” (Page 31)
   We are free to focus on Christ…
   Galatians 5:1 says, “Freedom is what we have–Christ has set us free!” (Good News Translation)
   It doesn’t say, ‘freedom is what we will have’ or ‘freedom is what we need to have.”
   We HAVE freedom…
   We ARE free…
   But, we’d rather focus on ourselves. 🙃
   And that, my friends, is why I believe we don’t FEEL free!
   I love that Sharon called out the real problem she was having: her focus. “I couldn’t enjoy the freedom of living for Christ, because I wasn’t living for Christ. I was living for me.” (Page 33)
   This is where we start: admitting the real problem. Admitting our way isn’t working. Acknowledging that we don’t have the answers and aren’t – and can’t be – the solution to our issues.
   This is hard. I’m a Justifier by nature; I can defend and hold onto my reasoning for a long time. I like to be right. Even more than that, though, I like to be liked.
   What God has been showing me is that my faith has been primarily about myself – and it’s not possible for it to work that way. “If your faith exists to make you feel better about yourself, you’re going to veer off course.” (Page 33)
   The ironic thing is that God’s love, which sent Christ into this world, as well as Christ’s focus here on earth and in dying on the cross, were about us. Yes, it was all for God’s glory, AND it was for our good.
   The focus was on us. That is another – perhaps the most important – reason why we don’t have to be focused on ourselves. God already is. He is looking at us, concerned for us, and desires relationship with us.
   We matter to God; therefore, our focus matters. We’re not going to do it perfectly. Our focus is going to shift. We’re going to stumble and fall and lose our balance. But God’s going to be right there with us, helping us up and dusting us off to try again. We can’t do this in our strength. “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” (Matthew 19:26)

   1. 

      It seems like being self-focused boils down to a lack of trust. As you said that we don’t have to be focused on ourselves because God already is. It’s having that complete trust that He is fully working for our good and His glory. It’s just that we tend to wonder what that will look like. Will it look like what WE want?!
      I have so struggled with my faith being something that is just another part of my life, not the main part of my life. The good girl image and living for affirmation has been higher priority than everything else. It’s only been recently that I’ve had these things stripped away and found that I’ve got to cling tightly to Jesus. I still want to cling to doing my own thing and not fully obeying Him – in a sense sitting on the fence still thinking I can have it all. But really I want to live out of His love for me, not try to earn it and then when I mess up think “Oh so let me have some of that grace now.” I want to be courageous too – to live a life of obedience to Him regardless of what other people think and even regardless of what I think. I don’t want to talk myself out of the Holy Spirit’s promptings. I don’t want to be so focused on myself that I miss out on the freedom that comes from obeying Him and loving Him. It’s hard but I’m so thankful it’s possible. He saved us and we have freedom to do this. It’s really amazing!

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