2 thoughts on “Book Club – “Free of Me” (Week Two)”

1. 

   It’s scary how blurred the line can become between self-care and self-absorption. In Western culture we’re taught to seek out self-care, that we really can’t count on anyone else but ourselves, so we have to take care of ourselves extra carefully. The irony is, as focused as we are on treating ourselves, we lack the element of security. Simply said: the more light that shines on us, the more uncomfortable we become.
   That’s the opposite of what we’d like to believe, and most of us would beg to differ that while we don’t necessarily crave attention, we won’t squirm when we receive it…at least not that much. The polite squirm is all too common – we know it as “being modest.” While we have been taught to focus on and take care of ourselves, we also have been encouraged to downplay our “greatness” so as not to seem full of ourselves.
   So which is it? It can’t be both, can it? I think we’re insecure because deep down we know we aren’t enough and can’t change ourselves. Yes, we have to be responsible and make sure we’re taking care of ourselves so we can function in a healthy way, but how we are taking care of ourselves needs to be addressed and often speaks volumes. As previously mentioned, it’s a slippery slope from self-care to self-absorption, and our “ how” often reveals the ease in which we can be shifted to the latter.
   Self-care, at its root, I believe, focuses on being compassionate to oneself. Self-absorption, on the other hand, is at its root focused on comparison. Really, it’s an unhealthy response to measuring how much compassion we believe we should provide to ourselves. The scale tips, in a way, so that while compassion may be bestowed upon others (to “keep up appearances” or feel better about ourselves), the majority of it is given to us (because we “deserve it, after all”).
   Sadly though, we’re still not satisfied. Why? Because we’re trusting in ourselves and have seen time and again that this leads nowhere. We come up empty because we don’t have anything substantial to fill ourselves with. Furthermore, we aren’t meant to fill ourselves in the first place. We squirm under the spotlight because we know we’re inadequate and can’t save face forever. However, our “image management” must be maintained, and we strive endlessly to keep everything together. In the long run though, things do not satisfy, people do not satisfy. We are, in fact, standing on sinking sand.
   When we’re concerned about our own glory, we have a hard time seeing anything else. What’s crazy is when I seek my own glory, I’m not really joyful like I think I would be. Being overly concerned with myself emphatically leads me to being swallowed up by myself.
   “Paul’s joy was rock solid because it stood on solid rock.” (Page 52) We, as Christians, can be secure in ourselves because we stand with Christ, our solid rock. He won’t waver and will stand by us when we do. We don’t have to pretend with Him – He already knows who and how we are. We are His, and He is continually teaching us how to be more like Him.
   “I want to look like I know what I’m doing. In my home and in my life, I want to look put together.” (Page 83) I definitely relate to this! But even more than that, I want to be able to really believe that it’s ok that I don’t know what I’m doing, that I don’t have to look put together. I want to sincerely trust that God knows what He’s doing – in general and in my life – and be able to release myself and all my insecurities to Him. It’s going to be a daily process because I need Him daily. He is secure; I want to (and can) rest in that truth.

   1. 

      You are so right that it is a slippery slope from self-care to self-absorption. I’ve found that the more “me time” I receive, or the more I schedule self- care the more I seem to want it. Then it turns into full blown self-absorption. Why should I ever sacrifice my time? Why can’t I just take all the “me time” I want? It turns into an ugly thing and I have to be really careful.
      I have recently been realizing how very much I am on sinking sand…I didn’t know how much my foundation was other things (circumstances, people’s view of me, etc.) and lately it seems that the Lord has been revealing to me how I need to stand on the Rock. It’s so difficult to not measure our lives based on our circumstances or how we are viewed. It’s such a false factor in how we are really doing and what the condition of our hearts are. I feel like the question lately has been one of surrender. Do I really trust that God is taking care of me, that He is my firm foundation, and that this is all that matters? Living a life in obedience to Him, regardless of what circumstances are and regardless of how much care I receive for myself? What if everything is difficult and a sacrifice and yet will I still serve Him and trust Him? And yet that’s the only way to true rest and true joy… such a process to fully accept this!

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