It’s that time in pregnancy where it feels really close and yet really far away from delivery. The belly is round and full and no position is really comfortable. Sleep is difficult and oh Mylanta this heat feels worse than ever! And yet, I’m trying to relish the feel of this little guy in my belly. It is probably my last pregnancy and I am already aware of how distracted I have been this time around. With Chase, I didn’t have a toddler to take care of already. I wasn’t tired from the demands of a two year old. I didn’t have a kiddo who screeched and screamed and whined (omg the whining!) for Mama’s attention. I could simply focus on the child growing in my belly. I could sit on the couch with my husband, with his hand on my belly, as we “oohed” and “aahed” over each movement we felt the baby make.

But I also didn’t have a two year old who kissed Mama’s tummy to say hello to his brother. A little one who knows exactly where his brother is: in Mama’s belly and who points and shouts “Right there!” when we ask him. There’s excitement in having these two boys meet, excitement in having my love doubled and holding them both in my arms.

And there is the ginormous responsibility of raising these two boys. These boys that will one day become men and who will hopefully lead families and raise children of their own. Boys who I want to know how much their Dad and I love them and want the best for them. Are you ever filled with more hope and responsibility and love than you are when you think about your kids?!

It’s when I put Chase to bed and watch his precious little face while the little one inside me kicks up a storm. It’s when I watch him play and how everything fascinates him that I think of how amazing this whole thing is. When he lays his hand on my tummy because he doesn’t fit on my lap anymore that I realize how busy and full my hands will be and how much my heart is praying for them both.

I pray they truly know Jesus. Not just the perfect Jesus but the one who was constantly doing things that were out of the box. The Jesus that sat with sinners and loved them. The Jesus who washed his disciple’s feet, who wasn’t afraid to be a servant. The Jesus that threw an arm around his friends and who really loved others. I pray they know that Jesus. That they know He is with them, walking with them, who loves them and is excited to be friends with them.

I pray they love others. I pray they are those kids who don’t care who is popular and who is not. I pray they invite others to sit with them at the lunch table; that they seek out the lonely classmates, the ones who maybe don’t quite fit in. I pray they don’t see race or income level, they just see people. I was always so quiet and shy and I pray they overcome that and just want to love on people.

I pray they don’t get bogged down by material things. I pray credit card debt and keeping up with the Joneses doesn’t ever apply to them. I pray they desire freedom more than things and use their imaginations more than screens. I pray they have gratitude cultivate and grow in their lives and always feel blessed instead of feeling like they are lacking anything. I pray they are givers and don’t hold tightly to any possession.

I pray they each marry a quality woman. I pray they are not fooled by looks and are not dragged into lust. I pray they desire and seek a woman who knows the Lord, who will do them good and not harm all the days of their lives. I pray they love their wives like Christ loved the church and are faithful and true husbands.

I pray they truly know joy. The kind that bubbles and overflows and can’t help but make them radiant. I pray they see that joy modeled in their father and me. I pray we all laugh a lot as a family, that there are spontaneous dance parties and trips to the ocean to jump in the waves. I pray they are held and loved and comforted by us and given a push when needed.

I pray they know Mom and Dad are not perfect, that we are sinners in need of grace-same as they are. I pray my weaknesses show them God’s strength. That instead of feeling let down by us it would propel them to the Father’s arms.

There are so many prayers to pray for these two sweet kiddos. And there are so many prayers their Dad and I will need (Jesus, help us!). It’s a wild ride, this parenting thing and even in the craziness- the day to day chaos and tiredness- it is such a blessing. I pray that God helps me be to be the mother these kids need and I know I will never stop sending up prayers for them. I desperately need Jesus and He always comes through- and I pray they know this well.

“As a mother, my job is to take care of the possible and trust God with the impossible.” -Ruth Bell Graham