I’m not sure what I believe about making it to year 7 of marriage. You know that old saying “the seven year itch”? I always thought it was a myth but it turns out that it’s a pretty real thing for some couples. It’s at this point that years of little things adding up take their toll on the marriage. It’s something that I have honestly seen happen in this last year of my own marriage. But! I’ve also heard that once people make it to year 7, their marriages tend to stick. So, I think I will hold onto that hopeful note as my husband and I celebrate year seven.
David and I just celebrated our seventh anniversary this month. We’ve learned a few things the hard way (okay, everything was learned the hard way!). I had every intention of marriage being like date night everyday and had sky-high expectations for myself (who doesn’t want to be the Perfect Christian Wife?!). Plus, I married my complete opposite! But, here are a few lessons I’ve learned in these past seven gloriously hard, and beautiful, years.
7 Lessons from 7 Years of Marriage:
1. Let It Go
I have to tell you that I am a pretty sensitive person. I get my feelings hurt easily. Any criticism makes me want to fall to pieces and I usually take things the wrong way. I am a joy to live with, by the way. (My poor husband.) Needless to say, we had to work on communicating and on letting things go. (What am I saying? We are still working on communicating and letting things go). I made a big deal out of every remark, talked through every issue until we were blue in the face and had gray hairs, and then there would always be another issue! Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue and let the comment slide. Sometimes you have to lighten up and not take things so personally. Not everything has to be dwelled on and overthought. Be like Elsa and let it go.
2. Laugh a lot
Like a lot. One thing that always keeps us coming back to one another is that we laugh together. It’s like glue. When you can make one another spit out your drink because it’s so funny and then laugh about that, it’s the best. We have two completely different sense of humors but we can still make each other laugh which is amazing. I can get so serious and in my head and laughing with my man is always that magical fix that gets me present with him and feeling good about life. Plus, we’re such dorks and think everything is pretty hilarious.
3. Forgive
Oh, forgiveness. Like Ruth Graham said, “Marriage is just the union of two really good forgivers.” I used to spend days being angry with David because I didn’t want to forgive and move past whatever issue it was at the time. Looking back, I just think of what a waste of time that was! Sure, some things sincerely need to be apologized for and worked through but then forgive. Get really good at forgiveness- in the big things and in the little things.
4. Throw Out the Scoreboard
I hesitate to say I’ve already learned this because honestly I’m still working on this. I tend to be the one who keeps score, tallying up what I’ve done and usually winning, which just creates frustration on my end. It takes away from the act of loving my husband through serving him. And it keeps me from seeing all the things he does do and all the ways he loves me (like taking out the garbage and dealing with all the yucky things or the way he is endlessly patient with me and is always the first to apologize). So, throw the scoreboard out! I mean, no one really wins when the score is being kept!
5. Be Nice
This was my husband’s answer when I asked him what he’s learned throughout our marriage. I think it’s his marriage mantra actually. I imagine he must have to repeat this to himself about eight million times a day because like I said, I’m such a joy all the time (ha). But a little kindness goes a long way. I put on my best niceness for my friends and I should be at least that nice to my own hubby.
6. Don’t Stop Holding Hands
Everybody tells you to have lots of sex to keep your marriage thriving, and I think that’s true. But, there’s something to be said about holding hands. I remember the first time we ever held hands and how much that simple touch made me feel so connected to him. These days with our two kiddos, it can be tough to walk and hold hands (someone’s gotta push that double stroller!) but we try to as much as possible. Any time you’re on the sofa together or driving in the car together, grab your man’s hand. It’s like, “Hey, I’m still here.” At our wedding we had the “Blessing of the Hands” read and I think of that often. Those hands, they’re the ones I get to have holding mine throughout this one and only lifetime, and they’re where mine belong (what Taylor Swift song is that line from ? 😉 ).
7. It’s Worth It
They say the thing you’ll be grateful about staying married is the fact that you did. Honestly, there are times when I’ve wondered if we were ready to throw in the towel, but I’m glad we never did. Every struggle, every hard conversation and difficult issue we’ve overcome brought us closer together and closer to God. It’s definitely hard, and in ways that I expected and also could not have imagined, but I’m glad we’re still hanging in there together!
Your Turn!
What have been your biggest lessons from marriage? Share with me in the comments! (Tell me I’m not the only one who had to learn the hard way! 😉 )