“I’m so full.”

I’m sure we all heard that said on Thanksgiving and probably over the course of the long weekend (or even said it ourselves). My problem is that even after I start feeling full, I’ll still think of having more. Instead of focusing on how much I’ve already had, I start thinking of that bit of room I have left. “I could have pie,” I think. “I could probably have more stuffing.” And so I do, and then I’m left feeling uncomfortably full and regretting those last bites.

I started to think of how this happens in different areas of my life-not just when I eat. I look around at my life and I see all that God has blessed me with and yet…I think, “I could have more.” And instead of being content with what I have and feeling full and blessed, I focus on that little bit that I don’t have-that little bit that’s out there.

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippans 4:11-13

I want to live my life in that area of contentment- where I always have just enough. Where how much I have doesn’t dictate whether I am content or not. Where I feel the fullness of what God has blessed me with- in awe of how He has supplied for my needs in every circumstance. I want to look at my full plate and not give side eye to the buffet table.

The truth is that God has filled my life with so many good things. But so often I only think of this fact in a guilty sort of way. “I know God’s blessed me but…” and in my head I fill in the rest of the sentence with “…I still feel like it’s not enough…I should feel happier with what I have but I don’t always…what if I’m never completely content with my life the way it is now? What more is it going to take?”

“Years ago, I spent time praying for the things I have now.” I don’t know who said that but I’ve thought of that a lot recently. I hold my kiddo in my arms and tend to his needs and it can be stressful and difficult. A miscommunication happens with my husband and I feel that discontentment building up. These two very big things I spent so much time longing for and praying for and…well, let’s be honest- nothing that we desire is going to fill us completely if we aren’t already content.

I think more contentment leads to more contentment. It’s not more things, more getting. It is not focusing on that little bit of room in the margins. It’s not focusing on the “Well, life could be better” mantra that runs through our heads. I don’t want it to take more to make me feel full. I want to be full right now. Here, in this moment, with what I have in my hands and home now.

We may not have everything we need or want. We may not have as much as our neighbor or family members. But, we have to look at the whole picture. God supplies. He provides. He is still working in our lives even in the lean times. Friends, we’ll probably have to fight that urge to go looking for more. Especially as we enter this next month and we’re shopping for gifts and compiling our wish lists, we’ll have to fight to not fill our lives with “all the things” and to not fill our hearts with the attitude of “I want that. I need that. I deserve that.”

So, let’s not go looking for the “more” and instead focus on the whole picture. Let’s look at those gratitude lists we’ve spent this month completing, not just as individual items but as one beautiful mosaic of God’s provision. Let’s be able to truly say, “I am so full.”