4 thoughts on “Book Club – “Keep Showing Up” (Week 3)”

1. 

   It was really refreshing reading these two chapters. I feel like marriage has become a taboo topic – we think we know what it is, so we don’t have to discuss it….or discuss how it’s so not working based on what we expect. 🙃 I think the author does a great job being honest about what true marriage (or love for that matter) is.
   The 5 love languages test is a great way to realize and appreciate your spouse’s manner of receiving love. We’re so focused on ourselves and having our needs met that we not only don’t think of others as often as we should but also don’t recognize love shown to us much of the time because it’s displayed in a different way than we want or are used to.
   Giving and receiving love differently requires work, which is one of the tips I can put into practice (Put in the hours)….I much prefer the microwave version, but love isn’t instant (infatuation may be 😉) and feelings aren’t consistent. It’s a process and needs to be cultivated.
   In Chapter 7, it was very enlightening to hear that “the mission of marriage is to make the relationship of Christ and the church come alive.” (Page 145) We’re told (as singles) the lie that marriage will make you happy – I can’t even make myself happy much of the time…how do I think another person will?! 🤪
   As Christ followers, we are individually alive in Christ, and so it makes sense this being alive (or life, if you will) would, should, be magnified when we marry. Christ is our example of the ultimate servant, and so serving our spouses and others shouldn’t surprise us.
   Serving requires selflessness, sacrifice, and humility – no wonder it’s so hard to serve because we’ve got our eyes on ourselves so much of the time! But I think “looking for the pain” is one of the keys to helping us serve and find our calling. Too much of the time I choose not to focus on the difficulties others are facing, and instead wallow in my own self righteousness or self pity. Life, love, is painful, mundane, and messy…but that’s where the serving opportunities are. Serving helps us grow, providing a chance for us to get out of and over ourselves. When we serve our spouses and others we are ironically also able to see how much Christ has served us and how much we need Him.

   1. 

      I think marriage has helped me to realize that my idea of love was so different than what it actually is. I mean, at first it’s fun and the feelings are high but as we live and learn together and life takes its toll, love changes and grows and it’s not so shiny sometimes. But at the same time, it’s pretty amazing that two people can stay committed through all the hard things and are continually, day by day, saying “I’m in it with you.” That’s where real magic comes in, so it’s really cool to see that and I think the author was super honest and did a great job discussing this idea. And marriage is definitely the ultimate act of self-sacrifice and service as we put our spouse’s feelings, etc ahead of our own sometimes! I need to see this as more of a Christlike attitude rather than having an attitude of not wanting to give in or see his perspective or even just wallow and feel sorry for myself (basically being selfish and having my eyes on myself). I like that you pointed out that serving is a chance to get us out of, and over, ourselves and see how much Christ has served us. I’ll be thinking on that and processing it!

2. 

   Hi! Finally jumping onboard😆 I think this book has some tips that I’ll be sharing in marriage counseling😀 I underlined the 2 main issues that are linked with “loveless marriage” – 1. A skewed view of romance, 2. A misunderstanding of how they and their spouses show love.
   Allan and I both were able to present our real selves to each other from Day 1, and I think that helped us to find the magic in the mundane from the very beginning. I do remember, at times, how sometimes my “romantic ideas” of how a guy is supposed to cherish a girl got in the way of appreciating him. Or, sometimes my expectations were completely unrealistic (Example: I expected him to respond to me sharing my problems like my girlfriends would, with a lot of empathy and understanding and saying all the right things – turns out, guys have a hard time coming up with anything to say😂 But I now know that a simple act of him asking me if I’m all right, taking the time to sit and listen to me, was his very best effort at showing that he cares). We read Love Languages when we were dating – immensely helpful! His is Physical Touch and Acts of Service (my very last one), and mine are Quality Time and Words of Affirmation (his very last). Helped us to understand each other and see how each other was showing love, even if it was not natural for us to see it as love.
   Loved Chapter 7! I will be going over the questions with Allan. Obviously, our children is our biggest ministry together. But I love how we interact (together) with the people God brings to our lives. I love how even in this chapter, she helped us to see the “magic in the mundane.” It doesn’t always have to be this grand, worthy-to-make-the-news kind of ministry (especially in this very busy season of our lives with raising children). It made me think of how significantly my life was impacted by my “second family” during my high school + college years, just because one family decided to take me in as their own. I still go to her advice, to this day. I hope to be that kind of presence to someone else. Anyway, I’m babbling now. Nice to connect with you both here!

   1. 

      Hi Maria! Glad you are here 🙂 I am totally guilty of both of those main issues and have had to work on changing my perspective and expectations. I can definitely relate to those expectations you had as well!
      We also read Love Languages when we were dating (David’s is also Physical Touch and mine is Acts of Service) and we’ve had to really work on showing love in each other’s language. I’ve been really trying to view his expressions of affection as forms of love because I am not really that affectionate I’ve learned! And I get “touched out” now with the kids and have had to be open about this while trying not to hurt his feelings… still learning! He has really opened up to the idea that helping out around the house, etc is really showing me love – that’s so foreign to him because it just seems like completing a task rather than any kind of emotion or affection in it. I’ve tried to really thank him when he does do things like that, that I know are because he is trying to speak my love language.
      That is such a great point that the ministry we are in together doesn’t have to be this big ministry especially right now as we’re raising kids too; it’s ministering together in raising our children and interacting with people. I love that 🙂

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